Hi Everyone, my name is Queenette Mansaray and I am just a girl journeying through life and here are a few things I like food, music, Jesus, writing, caring for people, listening to podcasts and watching talk shows for fun (introvert behaviour). I find it true that Life always has something to teach us hence I am ever learning and open to evolve.
If someone asks me to define Life, I will say it’s a really long road with many twists and turns Sometimes we are stopped by traffic lights and who knows how long the traffic light is going to be red for. As a christain my faith in God has helped me through those traffic light moments.
I Choose to be outspoken because it heals, it strengthens, it comforts. In a world that sometimes creates false sense of comfort, popularity or self-image. Being truly outspoken will connect and bring light into some dark areas that are hidden. It will help us see that we are all on this journey of life and everyone has their traffic light moments.
Saying that, when Whitney told me about this platform, I was really excited I felt, wow this is really nice! In as much as I was excited, I still had the little fright in me when I accepted to be on here. I thought to myself what story do I really have to share? If I do have one, how do I say it? Will it really matter? These kinds of questions raced through my mind.
I had to sit back for a while and really talk to God on this one. Funny thing is He reminded me we all have our different stories in each season / road we are at in life which we tell in our own unique way and He took me down memory lane.
So here goes nothing! Mine is truly one of understanding His love. I grew up in a christain home but I was not always the perfect Christain girl and so I struggled to really accept God’s love. I based it so much on my actions that if I didn’t do something ‘holy’ or ‘God-like’ in my head I thought God loved me less. Oh, and when I did do something ‘God-like’ He was happier and loved me more. Crazy right? but it was a real feeling I felt, however not the truth.
I really did struggle and it put a huge strain on my trust and love for God. I remember always crying in my room at night because I had messed up and I didn’t feel like He cared for me anymore. I was frustrated, I couldn’t pray and talk to God. I spent that traffic moment journaling my pain and hoping that one day I won’t feel it again. As I continued to live my life pretending everything was okay to everyone around me but deep down, I was hurt and I knew He was too. That had a toll on myself worth, confidence (story for another day) and identity because truth be said at this point, I was living in false perception of who God is and if I didn’t know who God was there was no way I could know my true identity.
The turning point for me was a day a friend invited me to her church for bible study. She didn’t really know the battles that I was fighting then (mind you I was still going to church in this season). What the preacher said to the congregation that day changed my life. He said so many things but this stood out to me. He said ‘where were you two thousand years ago? You were not born right? Yet Christ came to die for your sins’
This had me thinking whole lot of things along the lines of if He came 2000 years ago for me and I was not here. Then what did He come for if not for the sins in my past, present and future. This freed me from myself condemnation, it allowed to go back and cry to God. To release myself from lie I had believed for long. That I was not loved, that I didn’t really matter anymore, my prayers don’t deserve answers.
While those were real feelings, they were not the truth. In the bible God tells us so many times how much He loves us and what love is. In Cor 13 He defines what love is patient, kind, long suffering, does not keep records of wrong etc. and in 1 john 4vs 8 tells us He is love. So, I made up my mind and refused to believe anymore lies that said He can’t accept me for who I am.
I don’t always get it right but knowing that God’s love and grace is not based on what I do or did is very freeing. I also know that I can always call on Him even in my traffic light moments.
Accepting that I am loved by God was one of my biggest traffic light moment in Life. I don’t know what yours might be at the moment but you’re going to be okay OKAY ?! the green light will eventually come on again. With everything going on in the world right now I.e. COVID-19 and Black lives matter it’s like for once we can feel like everyone is on Life’s journey and we hit this traffic light together. What encourages me more is how the world has come together to fight racism, equality, unity and most importantly a love for love to reign.
Being Black to me echoes the creative powers of an awesome God more than anything. How so very intentional He is, even to the colour of my skin. His love for diversity and that makes me so proud to be black because God has approved of my existence. If there are any last words I will leave with you would be, you have been approved of, very much verified and you don’t need a blue tick on your social media platforms for that. Your voice, your story, your heart, all matter! You are loved.