4 Tips for Setting Boundaries
O U T T S P O K E N
For today’s blog post, I have been joined by the amazing Taylor Jade, the founder of ‘Talk Mental Health With Tay‘ to discuss the topic of setting boundaries and how it can impact our mental health. A topic that can easily be overlooked but is so important in our lives to have. I know that setting boundaries definitely has been something big for myself and many that I have spoken to!
The term ‘setting boundaries’ isn’t always what people perceive it to be. It can be in the smallest of our day to day lives, and a reflection of how we view ourselves. Just as much as how another person will treat us as well.
‘Talk Mental Health with Tay’ is a safe platform for people to be open about their mental illness and feel comfortable talking about it out loud. When it comes to mental health, it definitely is something I am passionate about. As well as all the surrounding factors of it. I was excited to discuss the topic of setting boundaries with Taylor, as I knew she would bring a different perspective on it. Looking forward to you all reading, and hopefully learn something new too!
Here are some tips and encouragements from our discussion
I know you previously mentioned that setting boundaries is a topic you’re passionate about. I would love to know why you are passionate and what setting boundaries look like to you?
Setting boundaries is important to me because I know the negative impact it can have if we don’t. Setting boundaries is all about letting people know from the get-go what you are comfortable with, uncomfortable with and what you will NOT compromise for that relationship/friendship. It doesn’t necessarily mean giving them a list of what you like and dislike, it’s literally if someone does something you are not happy with then tell them as soon as you can, this way you can see whether the person will choose to respect that or not. If they do, then that’s amazing but if they don’t, that person is not worthy of you and is showing from early on, that they will not give you 100% of the respect you deserve.
The earlier we find these things out about people the better; once we start to grow attachments to individuals, it is harder to set them boundaries if they weren’t there in the first place because we do not want to upset them, so I personally feel that doing this as soon as you meet someone is key.
Why is it that so many people feel guilty when it comes to setting boundaries? And have you ever felt this way too?
I think people feel guilty when setting boundaries because they don’t want to be a burden to someone. I’ve been in that exact position: about 6 years ago, I started seeing someone and instantly felt connected to them. All I did for about 5 years was make sure that they were happy and allowed them to pretty much abuse my boundaries. Because I was so scared that if I set my boundaries with them, then they would not want to speak to me anymore. I just allowed the disrespect and abuse to carry on.
Looking back, if I had of set my boundaries from day one then maybe that relationship would have been completely different in a positive way or not happened at all, which would have avoided all the hurt that it caused me. Literally, since this whole situation happened to me, there is not one person in my life now that I don’t set boundaries with and this includes family, friends, colleagues and even strangers if necessary.
Is setting boundaries something that impacts our mental health?
100%!!! I don’t think people actually realise how much not setting boundaries can negatively affect their mental health. Our boundaries are there for us as a safety net and as long as they are respected then our mental health is also protected. If boundaries are not respected or set then it will just cause negative emotions. Feeling uncomfortable will always have a bad impact on our mental health so setting our boundaries is so important to protect that. Honestly, I can’t stress it enough!!!!
Lastly, any tips or encouragements for those who are struggling to set boundaries?
1. Don’t feel guilty for setting boundaries. You have to feel comfortable around people otherwise those relationships will not work.
2. If people will not respect your boundaries then they are not worth your time or energy. You deserve better than anyone who is going to disrespect your boundaries.
3. It’s never too late to set boundaries. Even though it might be harder to set boundaries with people you have known for a long time, it could make a positive difference to your relationship with them.
4. PLEASE do not feel like you are weird for whatever boundaries you may have. I have literally been pulling my hair out these last two months feeling like I am the most abnormal person ever for setting boundaries, and then it hit me that I am allowed to feel how I want to feel about something. If something makes me uncomfortable and I say ‘no, I am not talking about this, I don’t want to talk about this topic again’ then that should be respected and not questioned.
Our feelings are valid so even if someone doesn’t understand why you are setting certain boundaries, you are not obliged to tell them – it is personal to you.
I hope you enjoyed the read! Please do check out Talk Mental Health With Tay on Instagram and her website to support and hear many stories on different topics on mental health. It’s so important that you know you are not alone!
Whitney X Taylor xo